|
| should a little ounce of doubt change EVERYTHING?
i used to love where i am.. in that you know--stage.
now it's just the consistent bad things that i dislike.
the good things are there-yes very much...but
why do i question some of EVERYTHING.
questions like "what-if" 's arise from time to time
and it makes me sad to even have an ounce of doubt.
how do i say it? what if i stop it? why is it the way it is?
could there be better? am i sure?
yeah.
so as i listen to many other people talk about
the subject, i kind of implement those ideas into
my own.
and theirs are right as well.
how do i deal?
should i share it and bring the idea out there?
it seems too painful to even think of the outcome.
no- not that solution. how about a better one that will
help the situation?
like a... i dont know.. "...comes back around, then meant to be"
type things?
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. i dont know
| | |
| somewhat settled in and i miss home; where there was always food and my parents kept cooking-- yeah, for me to eat everything. home, where i was cinderella as soon as i woke up so that when inay was home she could just sleep and so would i. where, every now and then, my brothers and i would argue here and there about a t.v. show or jr and i would pick on edmond. and maaaaaan, basketball anytime across the street with just a call to eric and he'd meet me there with all the other youngtime homies. in my room, rummaging through things, i'd remember old times and hear my phone ring to have jut on the other end asking when was the next time i was going to be around--hearing him anxious and sad at the same time.
so now im here with two other funnies...finally. no couch or dining table yet but we're making the most out of our floor rug. pantries, cabinets and fridge arent as full as home but we deal. oh yeaaah. haha. my bed isnt as comfy as my other one but i think i just have to make my grooves into the mattress and ill be fine. mwuaha. t.v. and janice's laptop.... yay! no not really. bored most of the time but we get our kicks a lot and i heart it. my other butt cheek jackie joo is far away. boo! and the other bestes is working, as usual. things haven't been as i thought they would be with him and me. the other two funnies know it, too. small arguments here and there only to simply forget about them later. when are you going to come see me, i always go over there, why dont you wana drive, why do you like putting me down, i see you'd rather not talk to me...etc . [sigh] me put him down? weird.
the end
| | |
| forget the new york blog. i don't want to finish it.
i'm a person who likes to keep to herself but likes to share with the people i trust. lately, i've been holding back on what i want to say to the person it's about. i don't have the guts to tell you because it'll hurt me. i should really be telling you straight forward because that would be the right thing to do, but... it's different. [sigh]
when i find flaws in a person, i learn to accept them. i don't want to try to change them and say it's "for the better" because that would really be just changing your individuality. although these changes are just suggestions, i honestly don't care to much to change something that's not a necessity. you want me to be like everyone you know... like everyone you're accustomed to seeing in a certain way, but that's not me. i don't disagree with what you want changed completely... i just don't want to now, i guess. you want me to have their taste in music, their hair, their clothes and their body. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING? wow.
enough.. it bothers me to think so negatively. it bothers me to feel soo... inferior. i'll vent somewhere else. | | |
| so, i just got back from the East Coast
trip like 2 days ago. this trip makes my whole summer.
i'm glad my parents thought i should go.
New York: where do i even start.
the hotel we stayed in was located close by everything
you could want to just walk to.
It was in Queens and a street away from Times Square and
all that good food.
New Yorkie accents sound just like Fran Drescher's
except without the annoying voice. High School
kids over there say things like "wicked-sick" and "ill"
haha. and they like making fun of West Coast
people. but whatever. Broadway is nothing compared
to Hollywood. Our last band concert
was in Alice Tully Hall in Lincoln Center.
I'm going to miss my sax. i wish i own one. *sigh*
I saw the Statue of Liberty upclose and personally.
we went to Ellis Island and tried to spot
all the important spots that they shoot at in the movie
Hitch. Did you know the "kissing post" in the movie
isn't really a "post"? it's just a plaque
screwed on the wall.
we got to walk around Times Square. I felt like
i was shrunk into a lego land because of the tall buildings
and skyscrapers and stuff. loved it!
Went into the Empire State Building during the night
and saw all of New York from the very top.
it was beautiful.
we went to Ground Zero aka where the Twin Towers used to be.
across the street, was a church that people stayed
in during the hurrican tragedy times. It was sad
to see all of the kiddy drawings and letters.
at some financial building we got to see what the new plan
was in place of the Twin Towers.
They're going to make a new building thats going to be
called the "Freedom" tower or something like that. It's still
going to be the tallest building in New York.
I got to see the house that Bill Cosby was living in
for his one show. In the show he's supposed to be from Brooklyn
but the house was actually scene-shot in Greenich Village.
I saw the office building that they use in the movie Men in Black.
and and and.. in the Seinfeld show, you know that restaurant
that they always eat at? well i got to see it.
it's really called "Tom's Restaurant" but they
only scene-shoot the "Restaurant" side of it.
Saw and went to many other places but too many to list.
One of my favorite parts of the trip was going by the
Seaport and bargaining with the guys that tried
to sell fake-designer things. like bags and sunglasses and
watches that were supposeably Gucci, Chanel, Louis Vuitton,
Lacoste and Dooney and Bourke.
All of the sudden you just see these black guys coming up to
you with suitcases or stuff layed out
saying "Louis Vuitton only 35 dolla"
or stuff like "Chanel purse really 300 dolla but i give it
to you fo 50".
Courtney bought a Doone and Bourke purse
for 20 bucks starting off at 70 bucks. haha.
Clint got Oakey glasses that were supposed to
be Oakleys for 5 bucks. haha.
and we bought Tasha a fake Louis Vuitton purse.
haha. so much fun bargaining with those hustlers.
Washington D.C.:
ehhh edit later.. too much to think, remember and type | | |
| admitting you're stressing is the first step to getting over it. and oh, yes, i am stressing. i'm trying to see what still need to be done. and unfortunately, there's still many things that need to be tended to. i still dont know where im going to live in irvine. my future roomies haven't been looking around. and i know that i should be there too to help but my dad is being a douche. they've been busy with their schedules and stuff-- i dont want to sound demanding because after all, they are the ones who are going to scope. but i urgently need them to do it asap [sigh] my dad hasn't gotten to getting me a car yet >.< why's this? because of money. gRr. too many things to pay for, too many things going on, and we're not financially stable yet.
i hate it. i dislike disappointing the boyfriend everytime i have to tell him i can't see him this day or that day. telling him this gets him sad/mad. but he knew it was going to be like this. he understands in the end-- but it's repetitive and it makes me sad. but that's what love is. you go through what you know you have to face even if it's gona make you hurt for that bit. [i hate it also] >.<
M
lately, there has been heartbreak. and it breaks my heart to see these good people get hurt.
guys are such..bitches. i mean, girls can be, too, but i say this because it's been guys who have been the ones breaking hearts. why start a relationship that you get into and cheat on that person? grr.. edit later. | | |
|
